hahahahahahahahaha….

Standard

I was checking the shoeboxblog.com and had to share the lists that they post… either i’m really bored or these are really funny. i’m hysterical:

Top Ten Excuses For Not Working Today

* It will throw off my feng shui
* Dead
* Global warming
* No mojo
* Got sucked inside computer like the movie ‘Tron’
* Being exorcised at 1:30pm
* Working on Obama imitation
* Cheeto orange fingers
* I’m too pretty to work
* I forgot to wear pants

Things You Shouldn’t Say on the Elevator

* “Show of hands—who’s wearing thongs?”
* “Someone smells like sex!”
* “Aloha, Mr. Hand!”
* “So far, my first day out of prison is going great.”
* “I really wish I would have remembered my medication this morning.”
* “…and I picked up my clothes and stormed out.”
* “My water just broke.”
* “Am I standing too close? How about now? How about now?”
* “I cannot believe I made it through security.”


Only about 20% of what gets turned in gets accepted and becomes a Shoebox card.
Here, we feature the other 80%.

————————————————————–
Another year, and you’re still totally with it.

So am I, but in my case, the “it” is my husband.
———————————————————————-
Daughter, I think it’s time we had “the talk.”

I waited until after you had kids so I wouldn’t have so much explaining to do.
——————————————————————————————————————
Heard you were sad.

Call me when it’s over.
———————————————————————————————-
My cat doesn’t care how old I am, or if I look bad in the morning.
Or if I’m lying on the floor, unconscious and bleeding.

I care if you have a birthday. My cat probably doesn’t.

Inappropriate Answers To “How Are You?”

* “So very alone.”
* “Good. Real good thanks to your mom.”
* “I don’t have to answer that. You’re not my probation officer.”
* “Fair to partly none-of-your-damn-business.”
* “Well, the itching has stopped.”
* “Chewy.”
* “On fire. But just my loins.”

Fun Explanations For The Stain On Your Shirt
12:39 pm

* The walls in my apartment are bleeding, it’s probably nothing
* It’s a love stain.
* I’ve been really drooly since the stroke.
* My third nipple is a little leaky.
* Seems like every time I drink bacon grease I end up spilling it on myself.
* I ooze fun.
* I don’t know. It’s not my shirt.
* It’s either ketchup or blood and, really, I can’t remember which.

Alternative Names For Man Boobs
12:06 pm

By Maureen & Allyson

* He-Hooters
* Moobs
* Dude Rack
* Man Cans
* Papa Tatas
* Breasticles
* Man-ories
* Victor’s Secrets

Okay, okay. that’s enough for now. I’m still laughing at that last one…

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