I’m running out of luck

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This week has been pretty tough on me, and I’m not too sure why. It feels like everything is just happening at the same time, and yet it’s like nothing at all. I’m happy and I’m sad, I’m confused and I’ve never seen myself so clearly. I wish I could understand it a little bit better.

I had a really big fight with my mom last night & I can’t stop thinking about it. Every kid fights with their parents, but I feel like at my age it should stop. I feel like I’m missing something in this whole equation of growing up… Maybe I need to be doing more of it, I need to take some more responsibility.

I want to have a really exciting summer and just be really easygoing and do whatever I want, but I’ve realized that I don’t know how possible that will be. Sometimes the crappy things in life get in the way and they need to be dealt with first. It’s easy to just put all the big decisions to the back of your mind and pretend they don’t exist… until they do.

I’m turning 21 in a month in a half. I’m going to be an actual adult, all over the world. I want to feel like one in 6 weeks from now. I think that means I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of decisions to make for myself… for the next few years. These are the kinds of things they just don’t teach you in school, and they should. Life Lessons 101.

The last year and a half has been… too easy. Not going to school, working, taking vacations, going to shows… It’s all been too easy. I knew it was going to end at some point. I’m excited to get serious about life though. I just need to get my mind there, 100%. This summer won’t be just about fun. It’ll be about me, and figuring out exactly who that is. I just want to feel like I’m doing something worthwhile and that I’m helping the people closest to me.

Anyway, I think a lot of this is just coming from a long, not-so-fun week… but I’m hoping my weekend changes that. I’m currently getting ready for a huge garage sale that Jenia & I are doing tomorrow. It’s a one day sale to raise money for our walk at the end of the summer. I’m finally starting to make money so I’m pretty excited about it and now that things are slowly getting organized I’m excited. I want to raise the right amount of money more than anything right now, even though it is pretty stressful.

Hoping for it this week-end

Saturday night I have a huge family dinner for a double family birthday which I’m 99% attending, assuming all goes well with the sale. It’s up North, kind of far after a long day, but hopefully I can make that work. Sunday is back to work, but I don’t mind. I called in sick today because I hurt my back and can’t walk… so it’ll be good to be back and hopefully in tip-top shape.

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One response »

  1. You’re going to be great, girl! I’ve been feeling this way, lately, and I know I need to take control of my life. Living with my mom, it’s easy to fall back on old habits, letting her do all the housework, pay for a lot of my expenses, etc. But I want to do more, be more of an adult and more independent.

    So I can totally feel you on this! We can do it! 🙂

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