A (less morbid) post on failure, school and life

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Okay. First of all, thank you for all the comments and support for my last post, I really needed it! I wrote that just after finding out that I failed a class that I absolutely need to get into my program of choice in the Fall. Without it, I have to wait until next year to apply again.

I’ve been thinking a lot about it though (of course) and have come up with several things that I can do and that aren’t too depressing.

1. Go see my teacher, which I will do either way, and see what happened on my final. I felt pretty confident going into that exam, and still don’t feel like I deserved to fail. if I can boost my mark up by talking to him and making him see that he marked it wrong, that is what I’ll do. Otherwise, if I feel like he’s being unfair, I’ll ask to have my entire grade reviewed.

2. If that fails, I could take the class in the summer along with my second math class, Linear Algebra. Realistically, this is not a good idea at all- 2 math classes + 4 days of school + summer = very very unhappy Melissa.

3. Take Linear in the summer like I had originally planned, re-take Calculus in the Fall and do better, re-apply to choice program for the Winter semester & cross my fingers for the best.

I think these are three fairly good solutions, but I’m still really upset that I couldn’t pass it the first time. I know a lot of people who have failed it, but I really felt good about it. So I’m definitely sticking with #1 for now. Any other ideas? Have you ever had a grade reviewed, or did you ever disagree with a mark you got?

The thing is, I almost gave up when I saw that F. I thought to myself “I obviously can’t do this” even though in my heart, I still know that I can. Part of me was so easy to just throw in the towel because it didn’t work out the first time, even though just last week I wanted to do well SO badly. I still want that, and I still WANT to want that. More importantly, I want to give it one more shot, I want to make sure that I did everything I could before trying something new.

I don’t want to let this one thing define the rest of my life. I know that I can’t get everything I want right away, and I know that things like math don’t come easily to me. So, if I’m completely wrong and I DID actually fail (even though I NEED to see this grade and how it came to be before I believe it) then I think I can do it just one more time before I start re-thinking my whole life. Because when I saw that F, the first thing that hit me was how genuinely disappointed I was that I wouldn’t get into Business school in the Fall.  I haven’t felt this strongly about something school related in a long time. I know I chose something that doesn’t come easy to me, and I know it’ll take me longer to reach my goal, but I still want to get there. I still feel like it’ll be worth it.

So I want to stop thinking about my failure as a bad thing. I’m going to start thinking about it as an obstacle that I can most definitely get past. It’s not THAT big, just a little costly. I’m not trying to like, spin this into some really great learning experience or whatever, I’m just tired of letting myself get taken in but this totally crappy week. So many things have been going on and making me feel like all the good things don’t matter as much when they still do. I’m tired of letting those annoying things be the bigger parts of my life.

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3 responses »

  1. I’m sorry, Melissa. It is such a sucky situation and it does make you doubt a lot about yourself. But I think it’s awesome that you have a plan in place. Talking to your teacher will help a lot, I think!

  2. I think that’s a great way to look at it. It is tough when something doesn’t go to plan and you’re first impulse is to just give up but I’m glad you’re keeping at it. Good luck talking with your prof!

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