Although I’ve started taking more and more vacations in the last few years, the one that I’m on right now is my biggest, longest one yet. I’ll be experiencing so many things so far away from home- and for so long! Some of my favorite guest blogs this month have been the ones with tips on how to get through traveling.
Today’s post is a little bit different, a little bit the same. Roxxy from Roxxy Cambridge is a fashion blogger (and what a pretty blog, seriously go check it out!) who wrote me this lovely post about traveling advice… For bad vacations. Say what now? Well, let her explain.
It would only make sense, as I’m writing this guest blog for a blogger who is traveling, that I am preparing for a trip of my own. The only problem is this: I am preparing for the trip from (to?) Hell.
Let me explain.
Some four years ago, I met a man who seemed so incredible, I was quickly swept into a coma inducing love spell that let up only after I learned about his favorite hobby: vehicles. Oh yes, it is many a man who indulges in the ways of cars, but my boyfriend (shall we refer to him as Crack? Many of his qualities are addictive as well as destructive) loves cars in a way that is not entirely normal. My life is made up of going on long trips to look at cars that he has prowled down on Craigslist, driving through car lots to see the so-called back lot beauties (i.e. the cars that have been traded in) and finally, weekends spent at car shows.
This weekend’s trip is the latter. Come Thursday, I will get in our car, loaded with enough books, magazines and booze to keep me occupied for four days that we will be stuck in a place with all the other freaks who have car addictions and their vehicles. My friends, I am frightened.
After years of this terror, I have compiled a list of things no girl can leave behind when coerced into traveling to a place that she has no desire to visit.
For the love of Jesus Henry Christ, you cannot leave your house without a stack of books to remind you of a better place. I don’t care where you’re going,Timbuktu, the literal depths of Hell, or wherever, if you don’t want to be there, you need some reminder of humanity. I am currently in the middle of Under the Dome by Stephen King and trust me, there is nobody like the King to make you thankful for where you are. I have never run into a crazy clown named It at a car show, so, at least, I have that to be thankful for.
Banana Bread: or…whatever. Cookies will suffice as well
Nothing is more comforting to me than b-bread. I can close my eyes and chew each magnificent bite into a kind of soothing oblivion. I believe that God himself eats banana bread for breakfast every morning. Anyway, swing by your grandma’s, or your local bakery, and grab a loaf. I promise you this much, no matter how crappy your trip, nobody can be sad when there is banana bread involved.
Even if you don’t want to remember this trip, you never know what you’ll run into that proves camera worthy. Case in point, the last car show trip that Crack dragged me on, I was lucky enough to spy a man picking his nose in the rearview mirror of his classic 1950-ish Ford. He took long enough for me to snap a solid twenty pictures and I laughed the entire way home. Another time, a woman showed up in….wait for it….pink butt-less chaps, with only a leopard print thong underneath. I’m not even sure if that’s legal, public indecency and all, but I certainly enjoyed it. It provided comedic relief precisely when I needed it. When all else fails, I take pictures of cute dogs, sunsets and me, mugging with Crack, and smiling like a jackass.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been tricked into going to a car show, but basically it’s a carnival for guys, complete with vintage rides and elephant ears. Food is half the fun of a trip, and typically, no matter where you are, there’s a good place to pick up food. For me, at the car shows, it’s foot-long corndogs and waffle cones filled with soft-serve, and don’t let me forget, those huge lemonades. In any case, a vacation is not the time to be on a diet. Indulge in the crab cakes, nachos and anything that utilizes the magic of Bavarian cream.
Of course, I recognize that there are many other travel essentials; these are just mine. I’m not a music junkie, so my iPod is far from necessary, and when I’m on vacay, I don’t work, so I forget my computer. My best advice is this: if you’re going on a sucky trip, bring booze and candy. Nobody can be sad when there’s booze and candy. I suggest Good ‘n Plenty, because, you know, they’re good and there’s plenty.
What do you cats bring with you on a bad vacation?