I discovered Chelsea’s blog one lovely day through a blog of a blog who was completing her infamous Ten on Tuesday weekly question feature. Ever since, I’ve been a regular reader of Roots & Rings and, like many of her other readers, a lover of all pictures related to her adorable baby boy.
Chelsea is not only an awesome mom, but she is incredibly funny. It’s no wonder I love her blog so much- it’s filled with randomness and lists and questions and cute baby pictures and hilariousness. How could we not get along? I asked her VERY last minute if she’d like to write up a post for me while I’m gone and was so happy when she (literally) got something to me the week that I was leaving. So go check out her blog and enjoy today’s post!
So Miss Melissa is on some super amazing vacation and doesn’t want her blog to rot away while she’s gone. She’s decided to ask several people to throw some words out here so that her readers have a little bit of entertainment. Why she asked me, I have no idea.
See, Melissa is cute. She’s cool. She’s hip, trendy, young, fun, she has a cool job and lots of friends. And I… well I am none of these things.
My name is Chelsea. I blog at Roots and Rings and tweet at @RootsAndRings. I am a 26 year old wife and mom. I AM A MOTHER. Which means that I’m old and boring and my idea of a “night out” is a quick trip to the neighborhood frozen yogurt shop.
I’m going to go ahead and assume that most of Melissa’s readers are also young and hip. Therefore, I’m going to go all Clueless on you and say that as someone older and wiser, it’s my duty (ha, duty) to educate you. So without further adieu…
The Top Ten Things You Need to Know As a New Mother:
1. Every mom thinks that her baby is the cutest. You will think this and you will be wrong. How do I know? Because MY baby is actually the cutest. (Just scan my blog for two seconds and you’ll agree.)
2. When your baby cries, it’s easiest to just blame it on teething or gas.
3. Beginning the day you pee on that stick, people will start to give you advice. Tell them all to shove it and let you do things your own way. (Unless I’m the one giving you advice… because I know some stuff.)
4. When your baby is on a completely liquid diet, change as many poopy diapers as possible. That way, when the poop gets gross you can say to your husband, “Can’t you change the baby’s diaper? Don’t you have any idea how many poopy diapers I have changed?? You have a lot of catching up to do!”
5. Say goodbye to daily showers. And be thankful if you can manage weekly leg shaves.
6. I wasn’t prepared for this one. When I had my son, I got annoyed by my dog. A dog under your feet pre-baby is sweet. A dog under your feet post- baby is a hazard. A dog bark is a nuisance. Dogs want your attention and your time and they want you to feed them. Just like your baby, only less cute.
7. Store-bought baby food is a scam. I’m not very crunchy, but I do make my own baby food. Why? Because I’m poor yet able-bodied. It takes no time to whip up a week’s worth of baby food, and it saves a bunch of money. Money that you can spend on gazillions of diapers… or chocolate. Oh, and don’t buy any “fancy” baby food making machines. A food processor works just as well.
8. Your boobs will never be the same. I don’t want to talk about it.
9. Baby shoes are the biggest joke in the world. Babies have fat feet and cankles, shoes don’t stay on. Don’t waste your money. (I know you won’t listen to this… you’ll see some cute baby Sperry’s and buy them. You’ll be out $40 and I’ll be sitting here saying, “TOLD YOU SO!”)
10. When you have a baby, you are instantly an expert on all things baby. You should write a book and share it with the world. Or maybe you should wait until a blog friend goes out of town and just blast your knowledge on her blog.
That’s it, folks. That’s what you need to know about being a new mom. I hope you feel educated. If you need to know about the ins and outs of labor and delivery, I’ve got that for you on my blog. It’s not for those who scare easy. (Just search “like it is” on my blog… there are two posts.)