Even though I was in school until mid-June, my summer still felt really long, relaxing and amazing (I mean hi, Greece). I knew that I was going back to classes this September with a heavier course load than I’m used to and basically jumping right back into it after being 8,000KM away, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I know I felt this exact same way around this time last year. It’s only week two and I’m already feeling like I’m not going to make it to the end of semester. I’m having dangerous flashbacks of my first math class (my final math course is basically the next level of that one, and it traumatized me the first time).
My English classes are interesting, but there’s so much reading that they’re both already feeling more like a chore than anything. Plus? Getting sick at the beginning of the second week and missing an entire day of classes set me back way further than I would have liked… Nobody likes to do homework with fever.
And my online class? Don’t even get me started on the hassles I’ve had to go through just to stay a full-time student at this point. That’s a whole new realm of intimidating school work, no matter how many classes I’ve looked at to boost my GPA.
Here’s my problem. Some days I wake up and I really like school. Most days I wake up and I really don’t. So far this semester sucks. I don’t have any classes with friends, none of my friends have breaks with me… My school days are so far being spent alone. That’s just me being honest at this point.
I really WANT to be more studious and happy about it, but I miss my freedom more often than not. I’m not going to lie and say that I just love it all the time, because I don’t. I want to be somewhere in a career right NOW- so many people my age are, so why not me too? I KNOW life isn’t easy. I KNOW things aren’t just supposed to happen, most people have made things happen for themselves. But every once in a while I just need to feel selfish and frustrated. I just need to take a minute to want the things I truly want. When I go to sleep tonight I’ll remind myself that this is all for a good cause and in a few years it’ll lead to better things. But at this precise moment, I just wish an amazing opportunity would fall right into my lap and make me feel a whole lot better about everything.
Right now, school is a money-sucking annoyance that brought me home from Greece a few weeks (months?) too early.
Right now, I just want to go to sleep and wake up under the sun again, not in this gloomy, rainy, cold Montreal weather.
I can’t wait to see my Greece girls this weekend and share pictures and talk about our trip and just be happy and sad with them.
Tomorrow will be a better day.