Reality is settling in…

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Even though I was in school until mid-June, my summer still felt really long, relaxing and amazing (I mean hi, Greece). I knew that I was going back to classes this September with a heavier course load than I’m used to and basically jumping right back into it after being 8,000KM away, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I know I felt this exact same way around this time last year. It’s only week two and I’m already feeling like I’m not going to make it to the end of semester. I’m having dangerous flashbacks of my first math class (my final math course is basically the next level of that one, and it traumatized me the first time).

My English classes are interesting, but there’s so much reading that they’re both already feeling more like a chore than anything. Plus? Getting sick at the beginning of the second week and missing an entire day of classes set me back way further than I would have liked… Nobody likes to do homework with fever.

And my online class? Don’t even get me started on the hassles I’ve had to go through just to stay a full-time student at this point. That’s a whole new realm of intimidating school work, no matter how many classes I’ve looked at to boost my GPA.

Here’s my problem. Some days I wake up and I really like school. Most days I wake up and I really don’t. So far this semester sucks. I don’t have any classes with friends, none of my friends have breaks with me… My school days are so far being spent alone. That’s just me being honest at this point.

I really WANT to be more studious and happy about it, but I miss my freedom more often than not. I’m not going to lie and say that I just love it all the time, because I don’t. I want to be somewhere in a career right NOW- so many people my age are, so why not me too? I KNOW life isn’t easy. I KNOW things aren’t just supposed to happen, most people have made things happen for themselves. But every once in a while I just need to feel selfish and frustrated. I just need to take a minute to want the things I truly want. When I go to sleep tonight I’ll remind myself that this is all for a good cause and in a few years it’ll lead to better things. But at this precise moment, I just wish an amazing opportunity would fall right into my lap and make me feel a whole lot better about everything.

Right now, school is a money-sucking annoyance that brought me home from Greece a few weeks (months?) too early.

Right now, I just want to go to sleep and wake up under the sun again, not in this gloomy, rainy, cold Montreal weather.

I can’t wait to see my Greece girls this weekend and share pictures and talk about our trip and just be happy and sad with them.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

If you read this whole post, kudos. I try and stay as positive and happy as possible but sometimes it’s nice to just let your mind write what it wants. I already feel a fractionally small amount better. 
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9 responses »

  1. I totally know your pain, believe me. When I was in college I would’ve given anything to live a normal life, pay bills and be an adult. I know it’s hard (and it’s easier said than done) but as much as you can try to appreciate this time. As obnoxious as college can be, I would give anything to go back and actually appreciate getting to learn and study all the time. Not that it’s easy or whatever, just that you never get that time back, and being an adult is overrated sometmes. 🙂 So keep your stick on the ice, lady, as my husband would say. You’ll get there!

    • Love that saying, you’ll have to thank Rob for me for that one… I may steal it in the future! 😉 But thank you, I’ll try and remember this on the tougher days. Sometimes it’s easy to forget to appreciate where I’m at in my life right now. School can be so annoying.

  2. Of course I read the whole thing. Don’t worry about school too much, love. Work as hard as you can but always remember to keep a smile on. At the end of our school year, we’ll be getting on a plane again, I promise. I can’t wait to see you girls on Saturday- I think it’ll do us all some good 🙂

  3. Oh, man, Melissa. I can relate to this post so much. I have been there and remember looking over my course schedules and just wondering how I would be able to get it all done. If I would be able to complete all the assignments. But you do it. You get it done. And it’s hard. You get tired and frustrated.

    Have you read all my posts on school? I was the biggest whiner of them all! Ha, so I do not begrudge you getting upset over all you have to do. College is hard work. But so worth it. I promise. 🙂

  4. The one thing I don’t miss about school is the sheer amount of stress that came along with it. Good luck getting things worked out this semester, I know you’ll do great.

  5. Pingback: Honestly Happy « Press Play.

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