Life on hold

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These last few weeks have felt really strange. Exactly three weeks ago I was sitting in Athens with three of my best friends, sipping on frappes (that’s their favorite iced coffee. Yummy.) and looking out at the skyline of the capital city of Greece. It was fabulous.

I was only gone for three weeks of my life, but it might as well have been a hell of a lot longer because I feel like a completely different person now that I’m home. I find myself constantly day dreaming of far away places. I’m even ACTUALLY dreaming that the four of us are on more adventures around the world. Last night we were in Sydney, Australia. The night before, we were heading back to Greece.

Flying over Amsterdam on our way home from Athens

My brain has some unfinished business with the world, clearly. I don’t blame it. Traveling 8,000KM away from home for the first time had a profound effect on me in ways I still don’t quite understand, but I guess my subconscious is slowly learning to come to terms with it.

I think the reason I’m still adjusting to being back in Montreal is because I’m not READY to be back here. I mean, I love home. I love being here- I love my family and seeing my friends and waking up in my bed- but traveling in Europe really opened my eyes to another part of the world. And I loved every minute of it.

All this to say that Β I feel like since getting home, my heart hasn’t truly been in anything that I do 100%. I don’t like that feeling at all. I want to be present in my life and enjoy where I am, always, where ever I may be. I miss traveling there’s no denying that, but I’m spending more time thinking of ways to hop back on a plane than how to be happy where I am right now. Little annoyances are setting me right off the track, school is like a foreign language to me, I’m not even finding my usual enthusiasm to go to concerts. I don’t quite understand what my deal is right now.

Far, far away from home

I’ve been avoiding my blog. I haven’t written in a few days because I don’t know WHAT to write. I know what I want to write about, I’m just tired of putting myself through reminiscing about summer memories. I need to get back to my life, I need to press play- I feel like I’ve been on pause for 3 weeks.

I have one or two more posts lined up on my trip, because I want to finish writing about it the way I had originally planned. After that? I want to put my heart back into my current life. I’m tired of feeling like I’m on hold. I need to get back into the game, get back to homework and real life. I don’t really know how to do this yet, I’ve just come to the realization and decision that I have to. I know there’s ultimately a reason that I’m feeling this way, but I can’t really think of a solution besides paying off my debt and saving up my pennies for the next vacation.

I was reunited with my Greece girls last night for the first time since we arrived home, and it was the first time I felt really happy about being home. I think that’s when I realized there’s something not right for me, right now. My friend Kate said at one point “it feels like Greece was a dream. Did we even go?” and to a certain extent I felt the exact same way. We’ve been here for three weeks and so many things have been happening, but I’ve just been passively watching it all around me.

I’m excited to start being fulfilled with my life RIGHT NOW. Yes, I miss being in a completely different part of the world. I miss the food, the culture, the people, the night life, the landscapes… But if I stay stuck there any longer without actually being there, I’ll start forgetting why it is I love my home so much.

Tell me, have you ever felt like this at any point in your life? How did you move past it?

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18 responses »

  1. I know exactly how you feel…and I have a solution: begin planning another trip. Seriously! But don’t only plan another trip, book it and make it happen. You don’t have to leave tomorrow, but even planning something 6 months out will give you something to look forward to that makes the daily grind worth it.

    I’ve been there, and I promise you, this is the best medicine!

    • I just can’t choose a place, lol!! But seriously I took your advice the other day and spent an hour on the Lonely Planet website… The prices made my jaw drop, but it felt better to just do some research.

  2. I think everything you’re feeling is normal. I know what you mean, feeling like school is just not what you want to be doing…but after such a long vacation I think you need at least that long to get back into the swing of things. I think it’s great that you’re feeling so motivated to feel better and get back to normal πŸ™‚

    • Thanks girl πŸ™‚ Yeah now that I’m over the 3 weeks part, funnily enough, I’m starting to feel back to normal. I was able to show my family all my pictures without feeling super sad and upset about it… Ha! I swear, it’s like I moved away from home or something.

  3. That’s the kind of feeling I’ve been trying to describe over the last few weeks. a lack of direction. Since writing my WOW vs Blogging article I’ve read a couple of posts which have helped me find it. at least i think i’ve found it. i just need to speak to hayley first. maybe you neex to take stock of what’s important to you and time for you to change direction (maybe even take a leaf out of Elle’s book). but dont just ignore the feeling. you may regret it.

    • Your comment’s really got me thinking Paul. Especially that last line. I don’t wanna ignore any gut feelings, but at the same time it’s tough to juggle what my heart wants & what my responsibilities dictate (school, work, pay off debts, etc)… Taking a page out of Elle’s book would be so great right now though.

  4. Its hard to find motivation sometimes, especially after experiencing such an amazing trip like you had. The thing is though, that you didn’t come home the same person. Being over in Europe with your friends you did change. I think once you find your daily rhythm and balance again you’ll find your words. Sometimes its better to let them be until they are really to come.

  5. You know, I really thought I would have vacation handover after my cruise (I kept thinking, while there… how can I go back to my real life when I’ve experienced THIS?), but I didn’t. It was the perfect time away, but I was also ready to get back to my life in a sense. But I do still get VERY melancholy when I think about my cruise. (But, luckily, I’m taking another one in May which is curing all my sadness!)

    I don’t know how to cure it. I mean you spent THREE WEEKS IN GREECE. It’s the trip of the freaking lifetime! I think vacation hangover is just part of the deal. πŸ˜‰ I hope you figure it all out, though. Sometimes reminiscing over it helps, sometimes it might just make you even more sad that you’re not there.

    • I still can’t believe you’ve got another cruise planned, I am SO jealous! A lot of people seem to agree that the best cure is to simply book another trip. Easier said than done, but I’m working on it!!

  6. Pingback: Life on hold » Greece on WEB

  7. As far as the blogging thing goes, just take a break. I’ve been dealing with being burnt out on writing/keeping up with it this year and it was just such a pleasure to step away for awhile. Just that alone made me feel better.

    • Sometimes I wonder if blogging is burning me out or keeping me going, to be honest. I’ve really loved blogging more than ever before. I probably spend too much time doing it & maybe need to re think the amount of time I’m spending on the computer but for now I’m finding ways to absorb myself in things like (writing) that I love to get my mind off the things getting me down.

  8. I hear ya! I always have a huge letdown after I return from a trip (or after an event that I’ve been looking forward to/or preparing for happens). I’ve found the best thing is to start planning something new. Just having a concert, activity, trip etc in the future allows me to focus on my day to day tasks while still dreaming about the future. It’s such a delicate balance!

  9. Pingback: Honestly Happy « Press Play.

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