These last few weeks have felt really strange. Exactly three weeks ago I was sitting in Athens with three of my best friends, sipping on frappes (that’s their favorite iced coffee. Yummy.) and looking out at the skyline of the capital city of Greece. It was fabulous.
I was only gone for three weeks of my life, but it might as well have been a hell of a lot longer because I feel like a completely different person now that I’m home. I find myself constantly day dreaming of far away places. I’m even ACTUALLY dreaming that the four of us are on more adventures around the world. Last night we were in Sydney, Australia. The night before, we were heading back to Greece.
My brain has some unfinished business with the world, clearly. I don’t blame it. Traveling 8,000KM away from home for the first time had a profound effect on me in ways I still don’t quite understand, but I guess my subconscious is slowly learning to come to terms with it.
I think the reason I’m still adjusting to being back in Montreal is because I’m not READY to be back here. I mean, I love home. I love being here- I love my family and seeing my friends and waking up in my bed- but traveling in Europe really opened my eyes to another part of the world. And I loved every minute of it.
All this to say that I feel like since getting home, my heart hasn’t truly been in anything that I do 100%. I don’t like that feeling at all. I want to be present in my life and enjoy where I am, always, where ever I may be. I miss traveling there’s no denying that, but I’m spending more time thinking of ways to hop back on a plane than how to be happy where I am right now. Little annoyances are setting me right off the track, school is like a foreign language to me, I’m not even finding my usual enthusiasm to go to concerts. I don’t quite understand what my deal is right now.
I’ve been avoiding my blog. I haven’t written in a few days because I don’t know WHAT to write. I know what I want to write about, I’m just tired of putting myself through reminiscing about summer memories. I need to get back to my life, I need to press play- I feel like I’ve been on pause for 3 weeks.
I have one or two more posts lined up on my trip, because I want to finish writing about it the way I had originally planned. After that? I want to put my heart back into my current life. I’m tired of feeling like I’m on hold. I need to get back into the game, get back to homework and real life. I don’t really know how to do this yet, I’ve just come to the realization and decision that I have to. I know there’s ultimately a reason that I’m feeling this way, but I can’t really think of a solution besides paying off my debt and saving up my pennies for the next vacation.
I was reunited with my Greece girls last night for the first time since we arrived home, and it was the first time I felt really happy about being home. I think that’s when I realized there’s something not right for me, right now. My friend Kate said at one point “it feels like Greece was a dream. Did we even go?” and to a certain extent I felt the exact same way. We’ve been here for three weeks and so many things have been happening, but I’ve just been passively watching it all around me.
I’m excited to start being fulfilled with my life RIGHT NOW. Yes, I miss being in a completely different part of the world. I miss the food, the culture, the people, the night life, the landscapes… But if I stay stuck there any longer without actually being there, I’ll start forgetting why it is I love my home so much.
Tell me, have you ever felt like this at any point in your life? How did you move past it?