On June 28th 2011 I wrote Part 1 in this series of 50 questions. I wasn’t sure what to expect by the time I got to the last 5, but just 4 months later here I am. For now, I’ll just answer the questions. I think I might go over all my answers & reflect on it in another post very soon. Have you answered these questions? Do you think you could, if you made the time?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I might say ‘no’ to a few more things, I might speak my mind more freely on a few occasions. Sometimes it’s easier to not say anything at all than to say what you MEAN. People judge words no matter what, so I think everyone has a filter. The things we say in our mind are rarely the things that come out in our speech and actions. If nobody judged anybody, we’d all be very, very different people!
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
When I go to sleep, that’s when my mind seems to start working in overdrive. With my eyes closed, my mind can wander almost anywhere. It’s hard to fall asleep when I’m in a far away place behind my eyelids.
So I’ve been trying something. I let my mind race for a little while, and when I’m finally ready to fall asleep I just stop. I slowly start to focus on the silence around me, and then on my breathing. If I force my brain to think only of what it’s hearing in that moment and to focus solely on the blackness of my eyelids, I can fall asleep in just a few minutes. It’s an incredible feeling, and I often fall asleep feeling so incredibly calm and peaceful… And wake up the same way.
So the last time I noticed the sound of my breathing? I notice it almost every night. I make the effort to do it, because if I fall asleep while my mind is still racing, I often have a broken sleep with strange dreams. I much prefer the peacefulness of 8 uninterrupted hours!
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
There are so many things I love. So many people too. I wrote a post a while back about how important it is to express those feelings, and I certainly TRY my best to do it. I’ve also said many times that I’m trying to be a more honest and open person, which means I am constantly talking about the things I love. Maybe I could do better, but I think I’ll always say that about myself. I’d love to have more TIME to SHOW people how much they mean to me, but sometimes it’s just hard with school and work. I think I do a lot of nice little things though to make up for my lack of time for everyone. I hope, anyway!
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Yesterday (well, at least last night!) was a GREAT night for me, so I think that YES I will remember. The days before that? Probably not. School and work becomes a blur- I wish I could say that each of my days was special and memorable- but these days they aren’t particularly.
Yesterday though? I got to spend the afternoon and evening with my best friends watching one of my favorite bands. My Hedley concerts are all pretty memorable & stand out distinctly in my mind. When I am somewhere doing something that makes me HAPPY, I am almost guaranteed to remember it for a long time.
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I am 100% making them. I’ve realized in the last couple years that I can’t count on anyone to decide what’s going to happen to ME. My future is my choice & I’ve had to go through a lot of hurdles to figure that out. But now? I do what feels right for me, not what others expect of me.
It’s not easy. I change my mind about things on a daily basis. What I want to do with my life, what I want to study, what I want to do tonight. I change my mind a lot. Sometimes I feel like everyone judges me for it, but I’m learning not to care so much. In the end, I have to live with every choice I make. If I’m making mistakes- I’m allowed. I’ll learn. I won’t let other people decide what they think is best for me, because at 22 I’m old enough to make my OWN choices. About love, about life, about money.
I will take your advice into consideration, but you will never make the choice for me. I will do what makes me happy.
What about you?