I go through phases on my blog. Some weeks I love writing and there just don’t seem to be enough days in a week to post. Other weeks, I’m at a complete loss about what I want this space to look like, so I just don’t write at all- and when I do, I’m never happy with the result.
Erin wrote a great post earlier this week called ‘The Comparisons‘ that made me realize that’s exactly what I’m feeling, but for my blog space. Although Erin was referring to the comparisons of love and life, I think the idea that she talks about works for every area of our lives.
I definitely compare myself to other writers and bloggers. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me in the least, but there are other times that I think to myself “why am I even DOING this?! It’s so pointless!“… Even though I know that it’s not to ME. Just, in the grander scheme of things it feels that way.
I still have a really big problem knowing that the people I know in real life can read my blog any time they want. I don’t MIND that they do, but still when people who know me in real life read my blog, I can’t help but wonder if they see me differently afterwards. That gets me all stressed out and then I just go through the ‘no-blogging’ phase because I’m not sure how much I feel like sharing anymore. It’s the weirdest thing, honestly, because I know my blog space is open and I love when people read it. It just makes me feel very… vulnerable.
Writing about everything that happens in my life for the world to see basically opens the doors for judgement, criticism, and a slew of other things that make me very anxious. Some days that just doesn’t bother me one bit, but every once in a while it makes me close right back up, and I feel like I’m starting at square one.
I’ve written about this a few times in the past; how difficult it is for me to be honest online even though I WANT to be. I think, what it comes down to, is the fear of people judging me for my writing. I can’t stand the idea of being vulnerable, and I can’t stand the idea of not knowing who comes by here and who doesn’t. I sometimes tell my real-life friends to just not tell me when they read my blog because I’d rather not know, but I guess it doesn’t matter either way in the end. It’s just when people say “I read your blog!” and don’t follow up with anything else I get really antsy.
I realize this post has basically no coherence anymore, but sometimes just writing about the fear of writing itself is enough to move past it for a little while. So here I am, announcing once again that although I love to write and I love that you are reading this, it still makes me very anxious to know that you are. I’m not LOOKING for compliments for my blog, but I think it’s just another step at staying honest with myself and with you, if you’re reading this.
In the end, I just want to be happy with what I do. I love to write, and I sincerely hope that I’m not making a complete fool out of myself when I do it. On most days, I don’t feel that way. But sometimes it’s nice to just put my fears down in writing. It reminds me that they can sometimes be really silly in my head (and less so out loud) but it also gives me something to look back on.
Do you ever get nervous or anxious about your writing? How do you overcome your writer’s block?