It’s a promise.

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Some days, I feel like the top of the world. Other days, I really just need someone to realize that I need a big hug and some reassuring words that everything is going to be okay.

I knew this was going to happen to me, it always does after a vacation: I start to get very sad. I didn’t even think it was going to happen THIS time, because I was only gone for about a week & I was trying to prepare myself beforehand… But I have to face the facts. I’m an emotional person and I tend to let my feelings get the best of me when I least expect it. 

Coming home makes me sad, because I always realize one big thing after the first couple days: I’m ready to leave again. My vacations make me feel AMAZING and FREE and like I can DO ANYTHING I want. I love it, and I know that one week just isn’t cutting it for me anymore. My heart is telling me that bigger things are waiting for me in this world.

So what’s holding me back? 

I’m not gutsy enough yet. I’m a worrier. I’m bad at saving money. I’m convinced I wouldn’t survive out there, even though I really want to. Maybe I’d miss home too much. Maybe I’d miss friends & family WAY too much. People might forget about me or lose interest in keeping in contact with me if I was gone for too long.

The list goes on, and on, and on, and on. 

But the feeling of wanting to leave? It’s still there. It’s been lurking in my mind for the last year or so, and it just isn’t going anywhere. I have very little motivation to complete my schoolwork because I don’t currently feel like I’m pursuing what I WANT to be pursuing. My heart just isn’t in it. I don’t feel like I’m living the life that I want to be living at 22 years old. I’m still young, there are so many things I want to do, and realistically there isn’t THAT much holding me back at home (other than friends & family that I would miss). The truth is, I want to pack a bag and I want to immerse myself in a far away land for a few months. Maybe I could study there, or work, or volunteer, or just roam the different cities and discover how different people live their lives.

I just know I want to go somewhere far. I KNOW I’ll miss home, but I *want* to miss home. Next time I leave, I want to come back and not feel like I’ve lost an opportunity somewhere.

What I’m saying is that I talk a lot about accomplishing goals, making lists and living life on my own terms, but there’s just SOMETHING I’m not doing right, because this isn’t how I should feel every time I’m back home. I LOVE home, I love my “me time” and I really love the people I have back home, but really really deep down? I know all these things will still be here after I throw myself out of my comfort zone for a little while. I want to stop being jealous of the stories I read of people living their dreams. I want to be the person writing those stories from a distant continent. 

I needed to write this post to remind myself that I need to take a look at myself and choose what’s best for ME, not for everyone around me or for the me in 10 years. I’m making myself a promise. A big one that I 100% intend to keep.

By the time I turn 25 years old, I want to be traveling the world in a BIG way.

It’s time to start planning and making this happen. I think that planning THIS kind of trip is going to make everything a LOT better for me.

I’m already smiling. 

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27 responses »

  1. I saw your travel heading and thought to myself that’s me. I love to travel every since I was little. I just wish I had more money and time. I am 24 years old now and as years passes by, I think to myself, how much more is out there in the world. I guess I am more of the adventurous side and I am not scared to go alone on this journey of exploring the world. I hope you do one day accomplish and see the colors that the world offers.

    I did do study abroad in the UK for a whole semester my freshman year. I got close with the 7 other girls I went along with from back home. It was the best time of my life. I couldn’t do it again because I didn’t have the time.

    You should speak with your study abroad coordinator. Once you get started you won’t back away and realize that you can do it. Missing friends and family that is always there, but also think you will make a new family and friends abroad or where ever you go. Plus I always liked the feeling of missing people so when I do return home, you feel so much more important and love as it is meeting your loved ones for the first time.

    Let me know how you do. Good luck!

    • Thanks so much for your awesome comment & for stopping by! I love talking to people who are as passionate about travel as I’m learning to become.

      I’ve been thinking of doing a study abroad program once I get into my choice program in University. It all depends what I decide to do in about a year or so from now.

      Hope to see you around here again soon! 🙂

  2. Reading this, I felt like I paralleled it in a scary way. I know what it’s like to want this so badly that it hurts in your bones. I hope that you go ahead and do this, and I hope you continue to document your journeys. Girl can write.

    Good luck with this!

    • This seems weird to a lot of people, but I’m currently SO enamored with the idea of spending some time in India. I know it’s a poor country and it might be a huge culture shock but… I just really want to. I’ve been doing tons of research on it too! We’ll see where life takes me once I’m ready to get up and go, though!

  3. I feel ya, girl. When I was 21, I packed up my bags, found a job, and moved 3,000 miles away from home. My “move to NYC” didn’t work out like planned (first, I moved to NJ, and second, although I’ve been on the East Coast for 5 years, I only lived in Manhattan for 15 months). Still, I get the desire to TRY. You have a dream, so you have to try, because even if it doesn’t work out like planned, at least you know you TRIED.

    But I will say this: make sure you really are doing this for you and make sure not to build up expectations so grand that you feel like a failure when it doesn’t work out. Remember that even when you’re traveling for a long period of time, you still have to watch your budget, do your chores (like laundry), and you still have the awkward process of making friends and occasionally feeling lonely. I’m not saying don’t do it, but I also know what it’s like to build up this “I’m going to be a whole new person somewhere else” and then when you get there, you find out that you’re still you. That doesn’t sound like what you want to do, but it can be an easy mentality to slide into.

    Good luck! (And if you go to England or France, let me know. I have tips.)

    • Thank you for your awesome comment! Honestly any tips I can take for people who’ve done some kinda big travel is helpful. I definitely want to visit England & France one day, so if it’s at some point in my near future, I’ll make sure to get in touch with you!

  4. Definitely get your travelling in before you get tied up in PTO at a job and mortgages and having to arrange for someone to feed the pets. I don’t even have or want kids (the ultimate travel-dream-killers!) but I already travel way less than before, even though I theoretically have and make more money than I did before. And that’s saying something, as someone who has never even left my time zone, and barely even left the South!

    • That’s EXACTLY what I’m thinking- I want to travel before I have too much in life holding me back. That’s exactly why I needed to write this and get it OUT there!

  5. Woohoo! This is a great affirmation post and a great excuse to start planning hardcore. I agree with April, try to get it in before you get bogged down in the realities of the “real world” (not that you aren’t living in the real world now, but you know what I mean). I make enough money now that realistically we could travel anywhere, but I get two weeks of vacation and Rob is tied up the entire summer. Makes it a lot harder. It’s never going to feel totally comfortable, but if it did, it wouldn’t be life. So I say go for it. 🙂

    • I totally need to make the best of it at my age, but we have opposite problems- you’ve got the funds but no time, and I’ve got the time but no funds! Life is never easy, but I know I’ll find a way to make it work 🙂

  6. Vacations can be a funny thing. For me, it’s so nice to get away and anticipate it coming up but then when I come home, it’s nice to get back into my normal routine. (And also, a week is a long vacation for me, ha!) I have a few days of vacation hangover, but I can usually get over it with little things to look forward to.

    But I think this is something you should really try to do. Aside from family, you really do not have much keeping you in Montreal. I think you should look into study abroad opportunities or even internships in another place. I think once you start planning and looking at how other people have done it, you’ll find you can do it, too.

    Good luck, girl. Can’t wait to see where this takes you! 🙂

    • I feel like my familiy is a BIG thing for me because what if I’m gone & my nephew is so young he forgets who I am? I know that’s a silly thing, but I love the bonds I have created with my close family members and I’m not a lone-wolf type, I can’t go off by myself and be OKAY. I need to be with people & I need to have the comfort of the people who know me best. These are big problems for me that I need to learn to overcome to get to my dream! 🙂

  7. I totally get you on this .. I have recently really been feeling the travelling pang, but as I am struggling to live within my means at the moment due to debt, it seems so far off .. it’s really depressing. One friend did point out that I will be debt free in October 2015 and so I should just start planning where my first flight will be and plan THE BEST EVER travelling experience .. and I lover her optimism .. but I won’t be able to afford it for at least a year after that .. if I save really hard! .. HO HUM!

    Completely off topic, I finish the 13th Little Blue Envelope – BRILLIANT!

    • Traveling requires SO much money, sometimes I wonder how on earth people manage to do it SO often (and all over the world!) without seeming to have any debt whatsoever. i want to be that person, but realistically I know that it’s going to take me time to have the kind of money I’ll need for this trip- so I totally understand you on that. Here’s to hoping we both make it out into the world in the next few years!

      And YAY, so happy you loved 13 Envelopes- you NEED to read the sequel now! 🙂

  8. I know that feeling, oh so well. I still get it, and if you were to pull out my journals from my 20s you’d see much the same in them. I’d get home from one trip and immediately start planning the next, just wanting to go, go, go. It’s really frustrating being in Australia, because even the smallest trip is a big (and expensive) deal. There are things I wish I’d done then that maybe you could try. Like, could you do a semester exchange overseas with your university? And could you do an extended internship, volunteering somewhere during your uni break (eg. I always wanted to volunteer on an English-speaking magazine in Bolivia, I think those terms last three months)? I’m thinking of things that a) get you travelling for an extended period of time, and b) don’t cost as much as a normal ‘holiday’ of that length would. Plus, you get all this experience and exposure for travelling and living and working OS, and make great contacts, that could set you up. One day, you will be a famous, world-travelled ‘Almost Famous’-esque music writer and I will say “I used to know her from her blog.” And in the meantime, here’s a big, understanding hug!

    • Awwwwwwwww you are seriously the best! It’s so weird to hear “living in australia makes travel hard”.. just because I want to travel there SO badly! But I can understand, you’re so far from lots of great travel places.

      I’m going to look into traveling abroad for school or doing some kind of volunteer work. I’m not *exactly* sure what kind of trip i want this to be yet, but I’m definitely going to look into it. 2 of my best friends want to do one of my BIG trips with me (they brought it up with ME)… I really really want to spend a month in India. And they want to as well! So we’ll see. I have time to figure it out, but this post is a reminder that it’s time to start saving NOW to make this happen.

  9. Let me tell you – traveling and actually living somewhere else are two different things. As a “tourist”, things will always be a little more peach-and-cream than when you actually navigate LIFE in new spot… but I dare you to make it happen. It’s an exhilarating, unforgettable experience that will shape you for the rest of your life.
    You’re so young, you have so much time to figure out what you want to do.

    • That’s the exact feeling I WANT to have, though! I want to stay somewhere long enough that I truly immerse myself into their world. I hate being somewhere for a week and leaving, feeling like I wasn’t there long enough. I’m nervous, but I think I could do it! 🙂

  10. As a 31-year old I will give you the advice I wish I would have given myself at a younger age. If you feel this way now – go! Finish your degree and then find a way to make it happen. You can always come home, but the older you get and the more set in your life you are, the harder it will be to act on it. NOW is the time. Trust me!

    • I know you’re right, I really have to do this! I just need to find a way to get rid of the debt I DO have & learn to save my money better. Then? I’m off! Well that and learning to overcome my silly fears.

  11. I know JUST how you feel. I am huge traveling addict, and I also tend to worry. I have the urge to live in another country, but it’s also daunting. So here is my advice: for traveling addicts like us (the ones who are still adventurous but less spontaneous), it’s good to have SOME type of plan. Have some type of anchor in place to keep you sane. Because, around a year ago, I moved to Turkey without a plan, a job, a place to stay, or the ability to speak the language. There were some political problems there as well…it was sensory overload! So I came home after a month. I failed to ignore my personality…I’m just not that spontaneous.

    Now, I’m looking to go back overseas, but go to grad school at the same time. It will be my anchor. So yeah, my advice is that go for it! Do something grand! But make sure that grand thing is tailored to your personality 🙂

  12. I feel that way about life in general. I feel like I’m always running in circles and never making any progress. When I go on vacation, especially to Charleston, I’m always reminded of a life I wish I was living, but too scared to attempt. There’s always something holding me back: money and fear, mostly. I think it’s good you know what you want to do. I say go for it. 🙂

  13. Now this post is fantastic. Good for you for setting goals. You can do anything you put your mind to. the key is living YOUR life according to YOUR goals, like you mentioned. It can be tough, but it is authentic.

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