Up & Down



My life feels like a big roller coaster. Which is a weird metaphor for me to use, considering I have so much trouble getting on an ACTUAL one. (seriously, ask my friends!I am either refusing entirely to try one or screaming my brains out on the baby ones). But it’s true; I have such ups and downs, highs and lows, sometimes I wonder when life is just going to become a smoother ride, slow down, and come to a stop somewhere safe.

I’m always looking up (or down) at the next turn, loop or dip ahead. In March, when I was having the toughest few weeks of my year, I was aching for the last day of the month to start over again in April. It seems like I’m always basing my life on what’s next- where I’ll be, what I’ll be doing, and what fun adventures are waiting for me. I’m always searching for a greater reason to being here, but when will I slow down and just be happy for a little while? I want to do that today.

April has been good to me. In between interviewing some of my favorite overseas bands, to seeing my beautiful nephew hit his first half birthday, to getting a job at my school that opens up a window of exciting opportunities for the year ahead, I have VERY little to complain about.

At this time exactly one month ago, I was praying for a light at the end of the tunnel. I was writing about my anxiety with failure and the way all bad things seem to pile on at once, and how nothing seems to be working out. Today, I just wanted to remind myself that it’s not always going to be as bad as it seems in any given moment.

When you’re having a really bad day, week, month, or year, remember there will always be a silver lining to the cloud above your head. Where there is failure, success is sure to not be far behind (for those who strive for it), and where there are emotionally difficult times, the heart learns to heal and find other things to be filled with.

Today I feel good. I’m on a good path. I am reminded that when things didn’t work out and I was afraid for my future, it was all for a reason. Because really, everything DOES happen for a reason. There are still many parts of my life that I question this about, and every time I feel like I am wrong, the world finds a way to show me that I am a stronger person for those moments.

I’m not saying everything is perfect, awesome, rainbows and unicorns. There are always a million tiny things on my mind; bits and pieces of my life that seem like they SHOULD be better, but just aren’t. ย Right now though,ย I’m feeling like things are going to turn out okay. Even though I’m still stressing about my very last final exam (tomorrow!) I’m still seeing the good things, and I’m proud of everything I’ve managed to do in the last couple months to get to where I am. I took chances on myself, and although it doesn’t ALWAYS pay off, sometimes, it does.

What are you proud of yourself for today? When was the last time you took a step out of your comfort zone, and took a chance on yourself?


13 responses »

  1. So glad April is treating you better than March… I definitely know the roller coaster feeling (and I am not a fan of actual ones ;)) and it’s always good to know when a little bit of a smoother part of the ride is happening ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Ha, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who gets nervous around roller coasters. But yes I must admit, I was definitely enjoying the “smoother” part of the ride. I feel like that changes for me every day, though. Part of life, I guess? lol

    • I feel like replying to these comments on the evening that I feel like I failed my exam isn’t the BEST thing to be doing, but yes April has been really good to me. I’m hoping to continue the streak with some good grades next week!

  2. I am glad you wrote this post- if for no other reason than to have something to reflect on when you are feeling down and discouraged. It’s good to put these feelings into writing for those kind of days! I am glad that April is going so much better than March did.

    Life is a rollercoaster at times, but the good thing about that is that it means you are still feeling things. I think it’d be far worse to sort of feel numb to life, ou know?

    I am proud of myself for staying so dedicated to CFA studying. I am proud of myself for my commitment to running. I am proud of myself for developing a really wonderful network of friends who are there for me through the ups and downs of life!

    • I am really happy I wrote it too. It started off with a random metaphor and I wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to go with it, but then I realized that I was writing it while I was in such a good mood, and I wanted to record that. It’s important to see both ends of the spectrum I think, and since I’m trying to get through this crazy thing called life, I want to be able to look back and see all of these feelings.

      I am SO proud of you and your studying. It is ridiculous how awesomely dedicated you are. Seriously.

  3. Great post! I feel that way too, sometimes, always looking to what’s ahead. Maybe that’s just part of being young? It seems like, when you’re young, people are always asking you about what’s next, so maybe you get into that mind set. But I agree with what you said -sometimes it’s good to just slow down.

    I find that it’s helpful to think about where you were a year ago. It helps you realize how far you’ve come. Also, it makes you realize that almost none of the things you worried about a year ago aren’t important now.

    • Thank you for the sweet comment, Julie! I think looking back at the me of a year or two ago is definitely helpful. I have to admit that in the last year I have changed a LOT but also NOT a lot, if that makes sense. I see where I have changed and where I haven’t. But I think that’s a good thing.

      Part of being young is definitely looking ahead to what’s next, I just don’t want to get lost in that. I want to enjoy right NOW, and I’m hoping through to use this post as a reminder of that. I’m happy in this moment and I want to enjoy it, rather than continuously plan for my future. Sometimes it’s nice to just BE. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Roller coasters. i LOVE roller coasters. i’m glad life is that way also. if i didn’t have to endure the lows of life then i wouldn’t cherish the high times when they arrive.
    Melissa i’m confident your life will be full of high times, so enjoy them.

  5. Pingback: Oh, Summer! « Press Play.

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