Category Archives: Random Ramblings

Currently… #3

Standard

Hope everyone had a lovely Easter weekend! It kind of seems like a while since I’ve just written about life in general, and I always happen to find this type of post an easy way to play catch up on what’s been going on!

Currently… 

Reading

As I write this, I’m about to finish up an advanced reader’s copy of Insurgent by Veronica Roth. It’s the sequel Divergent which came out last May. To be honest, I haven’t been loving it. I had REALLY high expectations for this book, but I set those aside long ago. I think a lot of people will really love it, but I’m kind of feeling like Roth is steering this series into a place that I wasn’t expecting, and it’s not really my style. That being said, it really picked up around page 300 so I’m excited to finish it. 100 more pages to go!

Listening

Our Lady Peace. Their new album is pretty good, but I’ve been listening to their Greatest Hits since last Monday when they were in Montreal for a show. I didn’t have the chance to watch their set which is a SHAME because they always put on a fantastic show. I did however get to watch Raine Maida sound check the song “Thief’ and honestly, current favorite song. He is a musical genius. I also had the opportunity to interview Jeremy, the drummer of OLP. He was one of my very first interviews about three years ago when I first started working for CONFRONT, so it kind of felt like my journalist career was coming around full circle. Interviewing the same big-time Canadian artist twice is something that I am VERY fortunate to be able to say that I have done.

The Ting Tings. I reviewed their newest album ‘Sounds From Nowheresville’ on my blog last week & I must admit it’s grown on me even more since then. I also had the chance to interview Katie, half of the musical duo, on Saturday night on the phone. She was SUCH a sweetheart it was an absolute pleasure. She has the most charming British accent, I’ll be honest it kind of felt like I was interviewing a Spice Girl. Plus she loves SG so it worked out well, ha.🙂

– I’ve actually had a few other albums on repeat this last week or so, and I’ll be doing a little re-cap on the rest of them later in the week, probably! So much amazing music has been popping up in the last month or two, it’s time I start sharing some of it!

Watching

Community. Why am I so late on this show? IT IS HILARIOUS YOU GUYS. I’m well into season 1 now and I am just secretly so happy I have three whole seasons of the funny-ness to watch. It is so weird but so, so fun to watch.

Best Friends Forever. I downloaded the pilot episode a few days ago (the show just started) and I was laughing the entire way through. It’s a new sitcom, and I really hope there are new episodes coming up. It’s so funny!

Needing

– I seem to write this with every ‘Currently’ post I write, but I still find myself needing more time. I’m hoping to resolve this issue with my April goals of tackling procrastination, but so far I haven’t had much luck because I seem to be LOSING time rather than finding more of it. Long story short, I ended up losing 5 prime hours on Saturday morning/afternoon and I could have really used my day off to do homework and chores and things like that.

To book a vacation. I found myself gazing at this cup I keep on my desk where I collect various shells, rocks & coins from my travels around the world. There are a lot of things from all the beaches I visited from Greece as well as the volcano I climbed, and I’m just itching to find new things to add in there. I need to travel!

More days spent with my nephew! It seems like forever since I’ve written about my favorite little boy, but he is still growing and getting more of a personality each time I see him. I wish I had more free days to see him, but with finals that just isn’t possible. Luckily photos like the ones below happen to surface on Facebook and in my e-mail with the heading ‘BAD BOY FOR LIFE’ and that makes it a little bit easier. I can’t wait for the summer to see his cute little face more!

Avoiding

– Homework. Studying. But is that anything new? Not at all. This week though, regardless of my ridiculous work schedule, I’m getting my work done and I’m going to NOT procrastinate. That’s the deal I have with myself & I refuse to take no for an answer. From myself. That sounded less weird in my head…

Loving

– Drinking too much coffee. Why must it be just SO delicious?!

– The fact that classes are over for 5 whole months. WHAT! In 2 exams I am free for 4 months!

MY BRAND NEW HARRY POTTER SCENE IT GAME. Yes. Love. Indulging in my obsession/addiction, needing to find more people to play with!

Now that you’re all caught up… What’s currently going on in your life?! 

If you don’t succeed, try & try again.

Standard

I think one of the reasons I’m constantly doubting myself is because I feel like I’m always trying too hard. Some people have the ability to be amazing at anything they set their mind to, and yet when I pour my heart & soul into something I don’t often get the results I’d hoped for.

And so, I’m constantly doubting myself. 

I’ve applied for so many internship positions over the last couple years; so many writing gigs, promotions internships, and other various random little things that I’ve found. I’ve so rarely gotten the jobs I set my sights on, it often makes me wonder if my talent is all in my head. How do you convey to someone that you KNOW you’re right for the job, even though you don’t have all the experience of someone who’s 10 years older?

I’m a very passionate person. 

Sometimes, I wonder if this is my biggest downfall. When I decide that there is something I want to do, I put so MUCH into trying to achieve it. So why do I so rarely succeed?

These are the kinds of things I worry about for the future. When I’m done school, will anyone be willing to take a chance on me? The jobs that I have in mind aren’t the most ridiculous, high-end, or high-paying jobs out there. But they still require skill and ability. I know I can do it, but what if no one else believes in me? What if they believe in someone else more?

I often feel like everything I’m doing is for nothing. 

I’m putting all this time, money, effort and attention into school and into jobs that don’t pay, but what if that just isn’t enough? Is there something else I need to be doing? The future is so uncertain, and that’s scary. I want to have opportunities. I want to make enough money to be financially stable; to move out, travel, be independent from family & to be able to start my OWN family.

One day, I hope I find at least SOME thing that makes my uncertainties less uncertain. I hope someone takes a chance on me. Even if it’s in a place that’s not *exactly* what I want- if I can even start getting closer towards one of my goals, I’ll feel like I’ve got a fighting chance in the world.

I’m not done trying yet, though. 

I’ve learned that I love getting out of my comfort zone. I try and try again, because I still feel like somewhere down the line, it will mean success. Someone WILL notice that I’m right for what I want to do. The things I’m working on today that I don’t necessarily love? They’ll pay off later on and I’ll be able to wake up every single morning happy.

I still have hope, and because of it, I’ll keep trying to be who I want to be. 

Current Obsessions

Standard

Both while sick (last week) and not (this week), here are the things that have been running through my head & I can’t seem to stop thinking about!

1. The show Happy Endings. I’m usually pretty good with TV, especially great sitcoms… So I really have no good reason why I didn’t discover this one sooner. It is HILARIOUS! I watched almost a season in a half in like 2 days. Love it! Can’t wait to catch up on the second season (like probably really soon). Do any of you watch it? Thoughts?

2. Dystopian novels in general. I mean, this isn’t a recent thing since I’ve been a fan of the Hunger Games for 3 and a half years now, but last week I had the chance to finish one of my favorites so far (Wither by Lauren DeStefano) and start a new one (Cinder by Marissa Meyer) which has been getting rave reviews. I’ve also got an ARC of Insurgent by Veronica Roth with my name on it either today or tomorrow. Jealous? Anyone? The cherry on the cake, though, is the unveiling of the cover for The Kill Order by James Dashner:

I feel like Dashner’s books don’t get NEARLY enough recognition, which is why I have been furiously recommending them at work to anyone who will listen to me. This is going to be the prequel to his dystopian series (Maze Runner/Scorch Trials/Death Cure) and I am SO excited about it! Not to mention he just announced that he has ANOTHER new series about to come out PLUS I just purchased book one of his first YA series called The 13th Reality. Yay, books!

3. Getting back into shape. I don’t know if this qualifies as an obsession just yet, but I plan on making it one. While sick I lost a really good amount of weight. I REALIZE this is extremely unhealthy, but it was the few pounds that I was having trouble kicking off when I got back to the gym like 6 months ago. I’m going to try REALLY hard to keep all of it off. It’s unlikely since I’ll be EATING again this week… But still, it would be really nice. So. Fitness. Yes!

4. Being debt free forever! Well, I plan on being it very soon. I’ve been neglecting my budgeting goal, but I started thinking about it while sick and it really got me thinking that I need to obsess over my money a little more. I plan on setting my budget straight this week so I can consider this month of 12 Changes somewhat of a success. That means sitting down with Gail Vaz-Oxlade and letting her book teach me what it means to save rather than spend. I’m ready, Gail!

5. Goals. I recently reviewed all my lists of goals and came to a fantastic realization. I’m ALMOST THERE. My 101 in 1,001 is almost done- I’ve got less than 30 goals to go & several that I already don’t plan to complete (I know that’s a weird attitude, but more on that some other time) and my 23 Before 23 is like half done. I’m pretty behind on that one, that I’m thinking of it, but there are a bunch more that I have time to finish before July comes around. I’m excited! I’m ready! Time to obsess over some goals, get motivated, and cross them off. Yay!

What are you obsessing over lately?

Disappointment (& one bright spot!)

Standard

This week I had crazy awesome things planned almost every single day. I had a funny feeling when I woke up last Monday morning that I may not be able to go through with all of my crazy awesome plans, but I was still hoping to catch up on some sleep somewhere and power through until I had a catch-up day sometime this weekend.

Unfortunately after Monday, everything went downhill.

Well, first, about Monday. Other than feeling like something bad was coming my way, I had a fantastic night. After work I headed straight downtown and met up with one of my best friends for the Hedley show. Most of the people I told where I was going kind of rolled their eyes at me like “Really? Hedley?” but I’ve adored those boys since their first album and I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of the music they put out. I’d been looking forward to their Shipwrecked tour since their latest album, Storms, came out in September, and it did not disappoint!

They were shipwrecked, so naturally they showed up in a boat!

The incredibly talented Jacob Hoggard❤

Even though we had floor seats, we were sitting pretty far back so we didn’t have the best view, but we made the best of it and danced & sang the night away! It was so great to hear all their new songs live, not to mention to hear some of my favorites from past records. I think the highlight of the night, though, is when Jake came out and performed the 8 minute song ‘I Won’t Let You Go’ which is, in my opinion, the most beautiful song on the album Storms.

Can’t wait to see those boys again!

On Tuesday I woke up feeling AWFUL, but not really SICK. I headed to work and tried to push through my shift because I had ALL ACCESS passes to the Black Keys show that night.

I didn’t make it to the show. With an hour left in my shift I completely broke down and couldn’t do it anymore. The exhaustion from the past month of sleepless nights and nonstop activities had left me drained, exhausted, and verging on collapse. I had to break the news to my friend that I wouldn’t make it that night, I got home around 5:30PM and slept right through until 6:30am the next morning.

Since then? I have BARELY made it out of bed. I can’t remember the last time I was so sick. It’s awful. Today is the first day I’m able to stay out of bed for longer than 5 minutes without feeling like my head is going to fall off. I’ve coughed so much in the last 5 days I genuinely feel like I’ve bruised my ribs. I’ve gone through 4 boxes of kleenex. I’ve eaten less in 5 days than what I eat in a day, maybe two. I feel emaciated (I’m not, but without an appetite the pounds are just falling off) and I can’t focus long enough on anything to feel productive whatsoever. I’ve missed class, 3 days of work, gotten no homework or work done and just yeah. It’s been awful.

Lots of tea & TV when I can stand to stay awake for it!

I tried going to the doctor on Friday afternoon but everything was closed. I was so drowsy I could hardly keep my eyes open and I truly thought I would never begin to feel healthy again. To be fair I’m a rather dramatic sick person, but I can honestly say I haven’t been this sick in at least two years. Sigh.

This little monster has been helping me through my long days with lots of cuddles! The other puppy too, but I couldn’t photograph him on my black comforter… He mixed right in! 

Today, my family is getting together at my brother’s house for a nice little afternoon of fun with my nephew. I’ll be stuck at home once again and I’m missing yet another show this evening with all my best friends. Life really knows how to hand me an illness during a crappy week. I know it could be much worse, but I never thought I’d be the person saying that I can’t be home ANY longer. I need to go out and experience something in the real world without feeling like I’m going to break into a million pieces.

So this week, other than my one bright spot on Monday, has been quite the disappointment. I needed to vent a little bit (after hardly being able to sit upright long enough to blog this week) and now that I’ve been able to rant a little I feel a TINY bit better. I’m REALLY hoping to be able to get back to work by Monday because I don’t think I can stand to lose any more money over this God awful cold… I’m crossing my fingers this weekend will be all about getting better & hopefully I’ll be able to stay awake long enough to get a few other things done in between!

How’s your week been? Better than mine, I hope?! 

Life in bits & pieces

Standard

1- I can’t believe it’s already Monday! Luckily I’m not back to work just yet, but I have a TON of school work to do so it’s not like I’m getting any good time off. I have an exam today (oh dear) and another one on Wednesday night, and then I’m free! Until then I’ll be locking myself up to study, study, and study some more. And try REALLY hard not to procrastinate.

2- Except tonight, I’m headed to a little show with a friend! We’re checking out William Fitzsimons, he’s a really great lesser known artist, and you should all check him out. I’m excited!

3- This weekend was all about birthdays for me! On Saturday I celebrated my sister-in-law’s dad’s birthday. We went over to my SIL and brother’s house and had a nice dinner with family. He’s not big on crowds so we kept it to just close family and it was really nice! Spent some much needed quality time with my nephew and just chilled out and had a good time.

Lots of this, as usual!❤

4- Sunday was my mom’s SIXTIETH birthday, and we surprised her with a rather elaborate party at a restaurant. 45 of her closest friends and family showed up to surprise her and was she EVER. She cried a lot. Mission accomplished!

My mom & I on Sunday evening after a long day of surprise birthday celebrations! Sadly the only picture I thought of taking all day. I was too overwhelmed! 

5- For her birthday, I got my mom a pair of Cirque du Soleil ticket, and obviously I’m going with her! I haven’t been to a Cirque show since high school and I’m VERY excited. Her other big gift? A car starter! (from a group of people)… So basically I get to enjoy her two big gifts, ha! But overall, she really got spoiled, as she deserves🙂

6- I’ve said it a few times now, and I’m going to say it again. Whitney Houston’s death completely devastated me. I found out while I was at my brother’s house on Saturday night, and was speechless. He tried to play “I will always love you” and I barely had time to tell him to turn it off before bursting into tears. I hate the internet at times like these because everyone has something rude or sarcastic to say. I know she had a drug problem and I know there are millions of other people who die every day and no one cries, BUT THIS MADE ME SAD and NO  I did not become a fan of her just because she died. She was one of my father’s favorite singers and one of my fondest memories of my dad is listening to her music with him. People need to stop being so negative and finding stupid crap to post when celebrities die. She impacted a LOT of lives. Deal with it.

7- That may be one of the only rants I’ve ever had on this blog. But I’m sticking by it.

8- On a lighter (and sunnier!) note, in exactly ONE week I will be on a PLANE to FLORIDA. I will be GOING TO HOGWARTS, hanging out CLOSE TO BEACHES, spending MONEY I DON’T HAVE, and meeting STEPHANY🙂 yay!

+

9- I’ve already started my list of things To Do before I leave for Florida. I’m kind of over eager. I love vacations!

10- I can’t believe I’m about to write this out, but I think I’ve officially decided to go full vegetarian for the time being. I’ll still eat eggs, dairy, and fish, but I’d like to permanently cut meat out of my diet. My brain still tells me once in a while that I’m craving it, but almost NEVER. I’ve had meat about 4 times in the last month and it hasn’t gone well with my system at all. Saturday night was the worst, I was sick straight through until late Sunday morning. For the time being, I am LOVING a vegetarian diet and fish is the one thing I will never give up. So yeah. I’m a vegetarian now for real. I think. Ha🙂

What’s up with you? How was your weekend? What’s been going on in your life?

Friday Five

Standard

I haven’t had the chance to blog this week AT all, which feels so strange to me, so I thought I’d do a little catch up post before the weekend and start fresh on Monday!

—–

1. The greatest thing happened to me on Wednesday. A friend told me that one of my blog posts from July (this one, about my experience with fitness classes) was linked up on the Facebook page of the fitness studio that I had joined at the time. They posted my blog & mentioned me by full name, saying how awesome the article was. I was already so excited because I really do love the studio (and keep meaning to go back!) so I left them a comment saying thank you. A few hours later I got an e-mail telling me that they loved the post so much, they were setting me up with a free 3 month membership to the gym! That’s a 250$ value, and I am still trying to wrap my mind around the generosity of it. I went back yesterday and did two back-to-back classes, and thanked the owner of the studio personally for her generosity. I seriously love that place and I LOVE that I *technically* got paid for writing an honest review of something that I had been trying out at the time.

2. Because of the above point, I guess I’ve kind of started my February Change for 12 Changes early. The theme for February is fitness, but I’m getting a slow head start on it in this last week of January. I’m ready for it, and I think the added goal of getting back into shape is going to help me eat even HEALTHIER. I’m excited to share my smaller goals for the weeks of February, probably next week!

3. Yesterday I spent the entire day cooking with my sister-in-law. I headed over to my brother’s house and got there around 1, and after lunch we ended up making 4 or 5 different vegetarian/semi-vegetarian meals. My SIL is an AMAZING cook and even better she loves eating vegetarian meals, so she’s slowly showing me how to make some of her easier ones- and they really are quite easy! Here are some pictures of what we made together:

 

 

From top left:

a- “Everything” soup: includes spinach, cabbage, barley, carrots, zucchini, tomato, chicken broth, turkey/chicken, various other vegetables. This clearly isn’t a vegetarian dish, but it’s a ridiculously healthy one!

b- Eggplant: cubed eggplant cooked in the oven with diced onion, garlic, diced & crushed tomatoes, chick peas and parsley. This one is the BOMB, you guys. The. Bomb.

c- Semi-Vegetarian Pasta: homemade noodles cooked in a rose-alfredo (homemade) sauce with zucchini, tomato, sun-dried tomato, onion, green peppers and some shrimp. The alfredo sauce was made from scratch with a TON of cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, milk & a bit of flour (to give it a creamy consistency) and you guys, SO good.

d- The final product of what I’m bringing home! Includes a split-pea soup on the far left that I made, some yummy dip that is hidden in a closed tupperware, and a quick easy to make crab salad for sandwiches and whatnot.

4. I’ve been having a little bit of trouble adjusting to my new schedule this semester. Now that I’m only in school for a few hours on Wednesday evenings, my life basically revolves around work and school is just an after thought. To top it off, I’m having a lot of trouble paying attention to my teacher because his PowerPoint presentations are really dull. I really want to get back in the swing of things, but I think that mostly just means I need to organize my time better- something I wrote about LAST week and still haven’t had time to do. (Ha! “Time” to do? Did I really just write that?!) I’m simultaneously loving working more and going to school less, but ultimately I think I’ve just confused my body a whole lot.

5. I haven’t had nearly enough time to read in the last couple weeks and I NEED to change that. I miss reading. The other day I got to work extra early and sat down with my iPod and a book and had the best hour before my shift ever. I really need to start planning out some free time and working on the things that are important to me. I have SO many goals this year, if I don’t start sorting myself out I’ll never get there!

—–

That’s basically all that’s going on over here; lots of work, vegetables, cooking, some school, a little bit of me-time… OH and lots of nephew time. I will leave you with his cuteness:

 

What have you been up to this week? Anything I missed?! 

On… Blog phases, comparisons, & writing anxiety

Standard

I go through phases on my blog. Some weeks I love writing and there just don’t seem to be enough days in a week to post. Other weeks, I’m at a complete loss about what I want this space to look like, so I just don’t write at all- and when I do, I’m never happy with the result.

Erin wrote a great post earlier this week called ‘The Comparisons‘ that made me realize that’s exactly what I’m feeling, but for my blog space. Although Erin was referring to the comparisons of love and life, I think the idea that she talks about works for every area of our lives.

I definitely compare myself to other writers and bloggers. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me in the least, but there are other times that I think to myself “why am I even DOING this?! It’s so pointless!“… Even though I know that it’s not to ME. Just, in the grander scheme of things it feels that way.

I still have a really big problem knowing that the people I know in real life can read my blog any time they want. I don’t MIND that they do, but still when people who know me in real life read my blog, I can’t help but wonder if they see me differently afterwards. That gets me all stressed out and then I just go through the ‘no-blogging’ phase because I’m not sure how much I feel like sharing anymore. It’s the weirdest thing, honestly, because I know my blog space is open and I love when people read it. It just makes me feel very… vulnerable.

Writing about everything that happens in my life for the world to see basically opens the doors for judgement, criticism, and a slew of other things that make me very anxious. Some days that just doesn’t bother me one bit, but every once in a while it makes me close right back up, and I feel like I’m starting at square one.

I’ve written about this a few times in the past; how difficult it is for me to be honest online even though I WANT to be. I think, what it comes down to, is the fear of people judging me for my writing. I can’t stand the idea of being vulnerable, and I can’t stand the idea of not knowing who comes by here and who doesn’t. I sometimes tell my real-life friends to just not tell me when they read my blog because I’d rather not know, but I guess it doesn’t matter either way in the end. It’s just when people say “I read your blog!” and don’t follow up with anything else I get really antsy.

I realize this post has basically no coherence anymore, but sometimes just writing about the fear of writing itself is enough to move past it for a little while. So here I am, announcing once again that although I love to write and I love that you are reading this, it still makes me very anxious to know that you are. I’m not LOOKING for compliments for my blog, but I think it’s just another step at staying honest with myself and with you, if you’re reading this.

In the end, I just want to be happy with what I do. I love to write, and I sincerely hope that I’m not making a complete fool out of myself when I do it. On most days, I don’t feel that way. But sometimes it’s nice to just put my fears down in writing. It reminds me that they can sometimes be really silly in my head (and less so out loud) but it also gives me something to look back on.

Do you ever get nervous or anxious about your writing? How do you overcome your writer’s block?